Monthly Archive for September, 2010

Making Tough Decisions

I once taught a student who was being evicted from her house, knew she was going to miss a lot of school, and still wanted to remained enrolled in the class. She ended up dropping out because she realized that it was too much to remain in school at the moment and that the overwhelming priority was to find a place to live for herself, her disabled mother, and her toddler. I also had another student whose infant daughter died in the beginning of the semester. He completed the semester through until the very last day.

As the famous saying goes, “life happens.” And when it does, sometimes we feel forced into a decision we do not want to make. But as individuals, we always have a choice, even if  the decision in front of you is a tough one. And when you listen to your inner self, you realize that you know the decision that is best for you.

One of the activities I do with my clients when they have a tough decision in front of them is to write out the pros and cons of each decision. I have a particular format in which I set up all of the choices in front of them. We go through a series of questions as we fill out the exercise. Not once, in my three years of coaching, has anyone been unsure about their decision once we’re done with the exercise.

The exercise is really not that complicated. All the client is doing is writing down the assets and liabilities of each decision. But what makes the activity so effective? When faced with a tough decision, many people panic and convince themselves that they don’t know what to choose. They don’t realize that if they choose something that doesn’t work for them, there is always an opportunity to make another decision that works better.

The questioning I do as a Collegiate Career Coach simply makes people conscious of their feelings towards the options they have in front of them, and the resulting impact of choosing each option. In panic mode, people are not able to think clearly and therefore make their choice out of fear.

Choices out of fear never work. Why? Fear-based decisions are based off of what you do not want to attract in your life. But making a decision from that mind frame will only bring what you do not desire into your life.

Choices made with a clear and centered mind always work, because you can see all of your options and evaluate the risks you are or are not willing to take in making a tough decision.

Published on Sunday September 26, 2010 in Broadcast, Life Management and Self-Discovery. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Tackling The Negative Voices in Your Mind

Thousands of people wake up in the morning and dread getting out of bed. Automatically, the mind is filled with all the things that “have” to be done and dread of completing it all. This starts the day off with negative energy that continues throughout the day. We then get bent out of shape about every little annoyance we encounter throughout our day: the car that cuts us off, the rude person or people at work, teachers who may seem like they are trying to mound a ton of work onto your already busy schedule, etc.

These negative thoughts completely cancel out the thoughts of the good stuff that’s happening in our lives. So, when I’m faced with a challenge, I have learned to practice a gratefulness exercise.

Just recently, my laptop crashed and my hard drive was completely corrupted. As a writer, this was my worst nightmare. One of the things that made it even worse is that I always planned to back my information up, as all tech professionals suggest, but I just kept putting it off because I felt I was always too busy to just stop by the store and get it.

The day after I found out that I would have to pay $1,095 to get my data recovered and purchase a new laptop, which was another $1,000, I noticed my thoughts were only focusing how upset about the entire situation. As I was walking into school the next day, I acknowledged my thoughts and chose to turn them into something different. I started thinking of all the things I am grateful for in my life: my family, my friends, my recent move to Florida, my new job at Seminole State College, etc. All of a sudden I could feel my face brighten up and feel at ease. The positive energy transferred into my classroom. My students were upbeat and ready to learn.
If we are not conscious of our negative thoughts, we can easily fall into a bad mood. When we encounter other people with our bad mood, what’s the likelihood they will want to be nice to us or even be around us?

Sometimes the voices in our head are implanted by other people telling us what we can and cannot accomplish. But remember that you and only you can control the limits you set on your abilities. If someone else is telling you what you are not capable, that has nothing to do with you. It is only a reflection of the limits that person has in their own mind.

Always remember the principle that being happy does not come from having a perfect life and things always going our way. It’s focusing on what is going well in your our lives and building off of that. If we truly believe, accept and practice this principle, our challenges will be resolved with ease.

Published on Friday September 24, 2010 in Broadcast, Life Management and Self-Discovery. 0 Comments

All Any Wants is Just a Little Appreciation

So yesterday afternoon, I was totally listening in on two colleagues talk about their boss. They mentioned how their office, one of the offices on the college campus, is short staffed because their co-worker was let go. As a result, these women said that they were being asked to do their own work and the work of their colleague who just left. In this conversation, they complained about not being compensated for it, but the majority of the conversation was about how unappreciated they felt.

I’ve always known that people are more likely to quit their job when they do not feel appreciated, rather than for monetary reasons. And then I started thinking about the average college classroom. At both of the colleges I have taught, it always starts off with a classroom full of students for the first couple of weeks, and then all of a sudden, students begin to diappear. Now there are also financial factors that play a role in why this sometimes happens, but I started thinking about appreciation being a factor too.

Anytime I’m collecting an assignment from my students, I always thank them for turning it in. When I conference with them about their essays, I always point out the things they did well, as well as the things they need to improve on. I always ask them how their weekend was or how their day is going.

In return, my students do the same. Most of them show excitement about coming to class, and our classroom ends up being a learning process filled with joy and excitement. My students feel comfortable asking questions because we create an environment in the beginning of the semester that not only do the students appreciate me and I appreciate them, but they also appreciate each other.

Each person in the classroom plays a role well or poorly the class runs. So you do what you can do to show your teachers and classmates that they are appreciated. Even just a simple smile can make a difference.

Published on Thursday September 23, 2010 in Broadcast and College Success. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Listening to Your Inner Self

It’s the voice in the back of your head that tells you whether the next decision you are about to make is the right decision for you. It’s the rise of your heart rate or the strange feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that leads you down the pathway that’s best for you. Your instinct tells you everything you need to know. Although it may not seem like it sometimes, there are truly no choices you are unsure about. All of the answers are already within you.

Many people do not follow their instincts, because they either ignore them or cannot sense them at all.

As a writing professor, I read student essays on many topics. One popular topic I’ve assigned over the years is to write about a valuable time in each student’s life when they’ve learned a valuable lesson. Most of the essays I’ve received from that assignment have been lessons where students knew that one decision was better for them but they chose the opposite decision because they wanted to go along with the opinions of their friends.

That’s what many of us do, even when it comes to choosing a college degree or future major. We go with the flow of what we think—or we’ve come to expect about what—we can or cannot do. For instance, I recently interviewed a woman on my Tuesday evening USTREAM show who knew she no longer wanted to be in Detroit. Her heart’s desire was to move to Los Angeles and pursue a career in entertainment public relations. She knew no one in the town, and many people suggested that she abandon her dream and maintain the security of sticking with the job she already had. She didn’t listen. She packed up her car and drove out to Los Angeles. In three months she had the job of her dreams. She now works with famous people all over the entertainment industry.

Some people fear that if they follow their instincts, the risk will be too great and success will not be in their future. It’s actually quite the opposite. If God put the dream in your heart, all you have to do is listen and believe in it. Even more than believing, you need to have an inner knowing that your inner self is right on target and have no doubts.

Why don’t some people respond to their instincts? There are a few reasons. Some of us listen to the wrong “influences” in our lives, which can sometimes be friends or even our own family. It’s like having the radio turned up really loud, so that we can’t hear our own independent thoughts. But other people’s thoughts and opinions don’t necessarily work for us. We also fill our time with too many activities. In order to better hear your inner self, take time each day to sit quietly and let your mind drift. You owe it to yourself and your destiny.

Published on Tuesday September 21, 2010 in Broadcast, Life Purpose and Self-Discovery. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

Time Management for Geniuses

There are twenty four hours in everyone’s day, but often it seems as if we can’t get everything we want to get completed in that time period. To really live a balanced life, which is what many of us strive for, we make time for work, make time to care for our bodies through eating and fitness, make time to rest, and make time to socialize with our family and friends. With all of those activities, it seems like twenty four hours is not enough time. But even if we had more time in a day we would still rush around doing the same habits. So time is not really what we need to focus our attention on. Our attention needs to be focused on the activities we do throughout the day.

As a professor, business owner, writer, daughter, sister, aunt and friend, I want to get everything done, sometimes all in one day. Yet, I have learned that when I overload my list of activities, I run myself down—physically and mentally. When I run myself down, I’m unable to perform my activities on the level to which I would prefer.

So each week I make myself a list of priorities, which I call, “My List of Dreams to Fulfill.” Knowing what my overall goals are, I list all the activities I would like to complete in order to fulfill them. I then rank the list in order of priorities. I almost never complete the entire list by the end of each week, but the most important activities that I’ve identified as important are always done. And the activities that I have ranked and not finished are either removed from my list due to its lack of importance or move up in rank for the following week. Allow yourself to be okay completing the top three. That’s an accomplishment wroth of celebration.

Another key to managing your activities is asking for help. You’ll be surprised at how your family and friends really want to be a part of helping you fulfill your dreams. And for my professional business activities, I hire others who specialize in activities they complete far quicker than I would, especially with my busy schedule.
Hiring someone to do your work in college is definitely not a wise idea because, in addition to cheating, you will never know the information yourself. However, seeking extra help from your professor or your school’s tutoring center will allow you to complete your work with more confidence and in a timely manner. If there is someone in your class who seems to understand the material that you may be struggling with, get their contact information and arrange a study session together.

People explain things in different ways. Hearing the information from someone else might give you some clarity and allow you to complete your work in a timely manner. The more you understand, the easier it will be for you to complete your work.

So go ahead and create your own personal “Dreams to Fulfill” list, and seek help from others around you.

Published on Monday September 20, 2010 in Broadcast, College Success, Life Management and Self-Discovery. 0 Comments Tags: , , .