Blaming other people for what we feel is lacking in our life is the easy way out. It’s also a lie we tell ourselves. It’s much harder for someone to take responsibility for their own actions, but change cannot occur in ourselves if we always blame other people for our own choices at work in our lives.
Everyone is responsible for themselves and the choices they make in life. It’s never anyone else’s fault that a decision did not work out. Taking responsibility for a decision does not mean that if the decision does not work out that we blame ourselves. We simply just need to learn from it, and make a decision that works out better.
One semester I taught a student who constantly came to class 15 to 20 minutes late, if he showed up at all. Even when he did attend class, he never did the assignments. He always had an excuse as to why the assignment was not completed. I held one-on-one conferences with him every other week to let him know that his behavior was causing him to fail the class. Yet, he continued his behavior until I told him that his failing average was so low there was no possible way he would be able to pass the class.
Guess who’s fault it was? According to him, it was my fault. He said he didn’t know he was doing that bad and wanted me to give him the opportunity for extra tutoring and rewriting papers. These were both suggestions I had offered him earlier in the semester. But after ignoring my suggestions for months, a failing average was the end result at the end of the semester. The student wound up threatening me physically. Security ended up escorting me around campus the rest of the semester.
Unfortunately, this student did not learn anything from his classroom actions. He would not take responsibility and admit that his failing average had anything to do with himself. As a result, he is more likely to continue his behavior in another classroom or work.
Of course, as his professor, I was not happy about the situation. Not only was it a scary situation for me personally, but I also want to see all of my students be successful. I know that’s a very ambitious ideal on my part, yet I still believe in the possibility of it.
I do believe there is a chance my former student may learn from this situation later in the future. If he does, he may learn one of the biggest lessons in life.
A few semesters ago, I had a student in my class who said she couldn’t concentrate because the girl next to her in the computer lab was disruptive. Instead of paying attention, she said the girl spent much of her time trying to sneak to check her email and her Facebook. The young lady who approached me about the situation said this was the reason she only had a low C in the class. She said she normally performs much better in writing classes.
I constantly scan the computer lab for students trying to do outside activities on the computer, though there are some that get by my radar before I catch it. I told the complaining student I would pay careful attention to the young lady she was sitting next to, but that there was something she could do herself that could prevent her from being disrupted. She realized I was hinting that she could move her chair.
The thought of moving her chair frightened her because she didn’t want the other student to be mad at her. I asked her on a scale from one to ten— one being the lowest and ten being the highest—which one choice was more important to her, moving her chair and being able to concentrate or sitting next to someone disruptive who might get mad if she moved. I could tell she was nervous at the start of the next class, but she did move up to the front row. Later, I asked her if the other young lady ever said anything to her, and she did not.
It is never anyone else’s fault that you find yourself in a less than winning situation. It’s our own choices or decisions that place us in a position we don’t want to be in. We can always take responsibility and make another choice. Instead of wasting your time pointing your finger at other people, know that you are the only one who has control over you and what you choose to do in life.
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