Tag Archive for 'leaning about oneself thorugh others'

First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word

Last Monday, a group of us began reading The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

In the chapter, “Domestication and Dream of the Planet,” we discussed our self-limiting beliefs. These are beliefs we picked up from our families, society, school, work, etc. The reason why they’re self-limiting is because these opinions, or agreements as Ruiz refers to them as, are not really the truth about life and limit us from fully being and expressing ourselves.

Our homework was to read the chapter, “The First Agreement,” and to be conscious of the first agreement throughout the week, which is to be impeccable with your word.

Ruiz defines impeccability as “without sin.” He says, “A sin is anything that you do which goes against yourself.”

My favorite part of being a teacher/life coach is that I get the opportunity to share the experience with my class. After reading, “The First Agreement,” I see how I use the word against myself and my capabilities.

I use it when it comes to the things I can and cannot accomplish with my business. I use the word to gossip about others when I do not agree with their opinions. If someone uses the word against me and I agree, there I go again using the word to reject myself. In reality, the poison that person says to me has nothing to do with me, but has everything to do with them.

One example that I’ve encountered many times is at work. If my co-workers have disliked the boss or someone else in the workplace, it captures my attention and then off to the races I go with the belief that the person is whatever someone else said about them.

A couple weeks ago, the timing belt in my car broke. I had only bought the car a month prior to this happening. My cousin, who works on cars, checked the car out before I bought it. When I found out that fixing this timing belt was going to cost me around $3,000 if I’m lucky, I spread the poison to my cousin.

Since then I have apologized, but depending on what mindset he was in when I spread the poison, this could have been completely detrimental to him and what he thought of his abilities. Thankfully, he forgave me and realized that I was having a rough week.

“Mostly we use the word to spread our personal poison – to express anger, jealousy, envy, and hate,” Ruiz said. The word is pure magic – the most powerful gift we have as humans – and we use it against ourselves.

For me, there are two important actions that lead us to be more impeccable with our word.

The first one is creating positive affirmations with ourselves. When we feel good about ourselves and truly love who we are, we are more patient, tolerant, loving, and open-minded when it comes to others. Creating these positive affirmations can turn around our perspective of what is really ailing us that most on the inside.

The second one is surrounding ourselves around people who have similar goals: to become more spiritually free.

People always thank me for helping them on their journey and are surprised when I thank them. I thank them because they are open-minded to change, which continues to inspire me to do the same.


How To Embrace Your Inner Self: Thank you Mr. T

By Bianca Phelps

We all have our stories from school to tell. Some of them are funny; others are sad. What all these stories have in common is that we will remember them for a very long time.

One of my stories that come to mind happened around 6th or 7th Grade.
We were considered the chaos class from my school. The reputation was not very flattering. We were not bad kids, just a bit wilder and expressive than the other students were. For some teachers, that must have been a little intimidating.

When the new school year started, we had a new math teacher. He came straight from grade school. Of course, most girls cultivated a major crush on him. What is more important than that is that he was very open-minded. The other teachers did not influence him about the reputation of our class. He came with fresh ideas and wanted to prove a point.

 If you know how to take the right approach, you can teach anybody anything.

He was more of a friend than a teacher. He used young language and pop culture to connect with us. The class was very enjoyable, and I passed with an A. This comes from someone who could never understand that subject.

More importantly, he taught us to believe in ourselves. To him, it was important that we embrace our true self while getting deserved respect. At the same time, he taught us that the best defense is knowledge and an open mind. Instead of being angry at an opponent, prove him or her wrong.

With that attitude, we started the next school year. You know what happened. The teacher looked at us with different eyes and gave us a chance to show what we able to do.

I want to thank Mr. T for that eye opening experience. I still use his philosophy today. Not just in school, but in my daily life. We tend to judge too fast. I try to be very open minded towards new situations and people.

If you want to proof a point, be a rebel by educating yourself and show how wrong the doubters are with knowledge.

“When the Student Shows Up, The Teacher Appears”


This week, my interns and I are working on a theme of teachers that have influenced us.

In the classroom, I was always grateful for the English and Journalism teachers….no coincidence because those are where some of my strongest talents exist within me…lol. I was not only influenced by them because they taught the subjects I loved the most. In fact, it was their teaching skills and how tough their expectations of me were that encouraged me to thrive in their classrooms.

As I grow, my teachers show up everywhere. I feel they are messengers of God that are put into my life to teach me a lesson as I flow through this journey of life. The point is that if I’m not an open-minded listener, I will miss the lesson.

Sometimes my teachers are my students. Sometimes my teachers are random people I meet throughout the day and never see again. Sometimes my teachers are people whom have hurt my feelings, teaching me more about myself.

Point blank, I have learned that my greatest teachers in life have been authentic, spiritual, and loving people. But I also have teachers who show me examples of the type of person I do not want to be as a person. I am truly grateful for both.

Each day I pray that I remain teachable. It is not about liking the lesson or not. Just be the awareness of the lesson…the observer of the lesson each teacher is here to show you.

What teachers have you influenced by in your life and what have they taught you?

Dealing With Challenging Personalities

For some people, it’s important to be right and prove themselves to everyone else. For others, being peaceful and avoiding confrontation matters even more. And for some people, they fit into either category, depending on the matter being discussed.

You must decide for yourself which category feels most appropriate for you. Even if someone else wants to challenge you in a confrontation, take the time to recognize that the confrontation can only take place if you involve yourself in it too. It’s easier to choose peace if you look at the challenging person and your situation with the person you have identified as challenging as an opportunity to learn something about yourself.

Whether the “challenging person” is someone you choose to surround yourself with or someone who just happens to be in your class at school or in your workplace, you technically have a relationship with him or her. Remember that relationships teach you more about yourself. The characteristics you love about someone else are characteristics you possess within yourself. The “funny” thing is that the thing that irks you about that “challenging person,” is a characteristic you possess, too.

A longtime childhood friend of mine finds every opportunity to be right and finding peace is not as much of a value for her than it is for me. The one thing that used to irk me the most about her was that she always tried to tell everyone what to do with their life. As a life coach, that’s completely against the grain of what I believe. I believe everyone has their own answers inside of themselves. After seriously looking at myself and my personality, I realized this bothered me so much because I also sometimes thought I knew—and expressed—what the best answer was for people, especially when it came to family and friends. I turned this realization into an opportunity to change that unappealing characteristic. If I despised that quality in others, I surely didn’t want it anymore for myself.

Through meditation and affirmations to change my way of thinking, I learned to love people for who they are no matter what decision they made. I learned that I am responsible for me, and each person on this earth is responsible for themselves. This lesson improved my life coaching skills, and also my time spent with family and friends. It was obvious my family and friends felt more comfortable around me, because of my change of attitude. The most interesting part, to me, was that I no longer judged my childhood friend. I didn’t even notice that characteristic within her anymore.

We all know or have met someone in our lives that we have found it difficult to get along with. Take it as an opportunity to learn something more about yourself, look for where that characteristic shows up in your life, and use it to make yourself who you really want to be.